China Travel Thoughts

Since I decided to relocate to China, something happened to me. At first I did not notice it. My mother did, so did my brothers and some friends, just not me, not at first anyway. It seems I started to notice more things in this world. Maybe I was just more appreciative of what I had as compared to some others. I’m really not sure myself. I have realized I do not need to be rich to be happy, nor do I need a big expensive car or designer clothes. I have been looking at people more and more. I see people here that have what we would consider nothing. They live in an extremely poor house, very very low income and threadbare clothes. They have no car, little food, no TV, no cell phone, not much of anything, at least not at first glance. There is something they DO have. Those of us “middle aged” or a little older will remember the times when we were very young. It was common most evenings for us to sit outside on the front porch or the “front stoop” where it was cooler, and we met with family and friends there. We had no air conditioning so this made the evening more tolerable in the summer heat. The adults would talk and laugh at the silly things the children were doing. The children would chase fireflies or “lightning bugs” as we called them. It was important for us to be armed properly for this hunt. My choice of equipment was a Mason jar that mom loaned me, about one quart in size. There was also a two-part metal lid for the jar. If we caught any lightning bugs, we wanted them to live, so we had to punch a few air holes in the lid first. Dad’s workshop was the ideal place to do this. A hammer and a small nail were the perfect tools. We had to make the holes just the right size….large enough to let in air, but not so large as to let our prey escape. Mom would never let us run with that glass jar in our hands, especially in the evening darkness, so we would have to catch them in our bare hands than place them into the jar. I remember that I felt I was very lucky, almost rich, because I had that Mason jar to see the lightning bugs so clearly in. Many of my friends simply had to make due with a small empty Coke bottle. It was glass, but so thick and many curves and labels, it was difficult to see the lightning bugs clearly. We had so much fun that way.
I see many people here in Zhengzhou sitting outside in the evening. I see them sitting, most in small to medium groups, but some alone. They are doing almost the same exact things we did so long ago. The talking, the children, the laughing….sitting in the cool evening air as we did so long ago. These people have little personal possessions, just as we did back then, but they have one thing in common….most all of them are smiling and laughing. Are they rich or are they poor? Are we rich or are we poor? Who has more? Not more money, but more happiness? I see fathers holding their babies in their arms, holding them high in the air and smiling at them. These people are genuinely happy. Who is rich and who is poor? Open your mind, look around, I mean “really” look, and it’s hard to be sure.
Those special moments in our life when we feel love from a familiar hand touching our face, or from a kind and loving gesture from someone in our life, or a subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or a genuine offer of comfort in our grief, and soft spoken secrets between lovers…..these things are all what makes up our “life”. Years ago Kodak had a slogan that was the best I ever heard; it was “the times of our life”. They even made a song about it and it was quite good. I know it was just a marketing idea, but it stuck in my mind all these years. These really ARE the times of our life. Don’t take them for granted and brush them aside, embrace them, pull them into your memory and never forget them. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the way we live our lives, the number of friends we have, the people we have helped in some small way, the number of people that think of you and it makes them smile.
I have noticed that through cultural differences, most people here in China do not hug family members or say the words “I love you” to mom, dad or their children. That by no means makes them love any less, it’s just not expressed as we commonly do in America. One of my students and I were in a conversation about that exact topic months ago. We were getting ready to have our winter break and the students were all going home to their families. This is the time when they have their biggest holiday…Spring Festival. I tried to encourage my student, when he got home and saw his mom the first time, to hug them and while holding them to whisper in their ear “I love you”. After the holiday he came to me and apologized. I was not sure why the apology. He stated he was going to do it, he was really ready as he had this on his mind a long time now, but when the actual time came he was so nervous about this bold, new idea, he just could not do it. We talked, and I was realizing more and more about their culture and how they think. I never brought up this topic with him again. A few weeks ago I received a message from him. I could tell by his words he was very happy. He said “I did it, I did it. I finally hugged my mom and dad and it felt wonderful.” I asked their response and he said, “my dad was too embarrassed to speak, but my mom hugged me back…tightly. I loved it.” It was the first time in their lives, all three of them, that they were hugged by anyone. When my student told me, “Joseph, today you have helped me become a better person, to become a man”, I couldn’t read any more, as my eyes were filled with tears. This was one of the happiest moments of my China adventure and I assure you that I will never forget that student or this moment.
What works for me may not work for everyone. Just open your mind and “see” the beauty that is all around us every day.